A Meeting I Never Attended

Social Constructs and the Social Contract

Social Construct

Were you ever talking to someone only to have them repeat back to you what you just said, but in a way that appeared 180° from the way you presented it?

When I first started to encounter this it had me stymied too.

It took me a while, a long while, to figure out that most of this was in that nebulous fog of social constructs.

I know an Aspie who says, “Social Construct,” and then spits.

When Social Construct is defined as: An idea, category, role, or rule whose meaning exists because people collectively agree that it exists, rather than because it is an objective feature of the physical world.

And, normal people attended a meeting where they learned and agreed upon:

  • when facts matter,
  • when feelings matter,
  • when not to correct people,
  • when to let something slide.

I never got the invitation.

And, when you weren’t privy to the ‘agreement’ it’s kind of tough to navigate what’s happening.

At first, as the little professor, I would just announce the literal factual answer. At that time people thought it was alternately amazing/adorable.

When I got to high school, that all went in the dust bin.

And not having been diagnosed ‘til 60, it was a long time, before I knew what was driving:

  • The equal and opposite answer from someone,
  • The obvious anger, (I had violated the contract.)
  • The regurgitation of my original idea – about six months later. (Sooner if they needed it for their project or a promotion or simply to look savvy.

And, now for the really tough part.

It’s different depending on:

  • The venue,
  • The audience,
  • The importance of the issue,
  • Egos,
  • Status,
  • And who knows what all else.

I found that I couldn’t possibly stabilize any of those variables, so I sought venues where there was already an appropriate level of stabilization into which I could enter, and capitalize enough on my native skills, that their need for me being there outweighed their need for all of the above.

Some mix of:

  • The police department with written rules,
  • The detective bureau where pattern recognition mattered,
  • A company badly in need of someone who could run a certain computer UI,
  • A place where no one knew how to build reliable dBases,
  • A boss who would reciprocate; I did the magic, they kept me protected.

This list is endless, as are the others.

And, to complicate it even more, I found that the Social Construct is just the mechanism used to enforce the Social Contract.

Social Contract

If the Social Construct is defined as:

An idea, category, role, or rule whose meaning exists because people collectively agree that it exists, rather than because it is an objective feature of the physical world.

The Social Contract embodies the consequences of violating the construct.

They include:

  • Violating expectations,
  • Why people get angry,
  • Why they answer “equal and opposite,”
  • The implicit agreement everyone else seems to understand.

This is the philosophical element. That is, harder to get your head around.

So, I stick to what I can control—Me and my behavior.

Succinctly put:

I found things that I liked to do, that I was good at, and found someone who needed them, and would pay for them.

My formula went around, over and under social constructs, seeking environments where my competence mattered more than conformity.

Generally:

“Find a need, and fill it!”

Written July 7 2026

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